G____ writes back

I’m not sure if drugs are the answer. I just started with this Lexapro stuff last week and all it’s doing so far is making me feel lightly awkward and mildly high and occasionally nauseous. Evidently it’ll start making me less insane if I stick with it over the next month or so. So far I’ve done best at creative stuff stone cold boring sober.

We have similar dilemmas. I waste more time than you can imagine. The past two+ years have been the most wasteful years of my life. I may appear productive on the Internet, but that’s only because all I’ve been doing is Internet stuff, and spending all my unemployment money on movies and gadgetry and puppies and vets, the bastard vets.

I swore off writing altogether when my mom had my brother-in-law order my book (my blog book—bleh) just because I had mentioned to her the word ‘book’ and of course my sister and brother-in-law got it and were all butthurt at my fictional interpretations of them, and this resulted in miscommunication and frustration and I didn’t talk to any of them for about a year and we were all pissed off at each other, and I of course was the unwitting bad guy. So, writing about family is always a fun subject, but as long as you can either keep them away from reading it or be cool with them reading it, which I find extremely difficult but seemed to have pulled off for my latest book. Waiting until their death is a fun idea, but in the meantime, you need some Fresh. I didn’t write anything about them in the new book (I wrote it from the perspective of: this is going to make up for the last book and then I’ll stop writing for a while and get a job (not working out!)) but it’s the principle of the thing. We’ve since made up because my sister had my nephew and he makes us happy. I promised them I’d write a kid-friendly book in his honor. Still trying to figure out how to get out of Arizona, though. I have dogs and this complicates things obscenely.

Naturally I couldn’t really stop myself from writing so I kept doing it (but I simply stopped writing in the first person). Of course I couldn’t get anyone to read my short stories because they were too long and everyone has been in 420 characters or less mode since MySpace went the way of the CD and nobody seems to read anything online anymore unless it’s on their own terms.

I’m also not doing any moneymaking things. In fact, I ran out of unemployment and I’m about completely broke and considering robbing old ladies of their purses. If you can get me a job with you I’ll move to where you are and give you half my earnings, and whatever else I have to give. Except my puppy. Hands off he’s mine!

Oh, I need to correct you on a couple things:

You have everything going for you. You’re brilliant, you’re beautiful, everybody loves you, you could easily kick my ass at anything, and you’ll have no problems doing whatever you want. It’s just getting yourself motivated to do it is the tricky thing. That’s difficult for me to help out with. I do everything I do out of compulsion and spontaneity, and pretty much ignore all the things I actually should be doing.

I don’t have any writers groups or any partners in creativity, though I’d love one. I’ll team up with you! For whatever there is to team up on, even if it’s just beating people up and stealing their money. I’m up for some fresh FRESH.

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